Sorority Row (2009)

Director: Stewart Hendler
Cast:
Briana Evigan/Cassidy
Leah Pipes/Jessica
Rumer Willis/Ellie
Jamie Chung/Claire
Julian Morris/Andy
Margo Harshman/Chugs
Carrie Fisher/Mrs. Crenshaw
Audrina Partridge/Megan

Plot: Five sorority sisters are trying to show their sixth sister's boyfriend how it is after cheating on Megan. But when the prank goes wrong leaving someone dead, eight months go by and soon they're all getting mysterious text messages. Someone knows what they did, and soon the girls are getting killed off in semi-gory ways.

Review:
I'm going to start this review with this, I'm a huge fan of The House on Sorority Row (1983). It wasn't a perfect movie, but i loved it. When the remake was announced I wasn't devastated but whatever, what can we do?! I actually had high hopes for the film becasue the trailer made it look like a good old fashioned slasher flick...i LOVE THOSE! Did it reach my expectations?
I'll start with the good. The girls were gorgeous and they can act! I don't know if Audrina can act since she had one scene, but from what i saw, maybe its good she only had one scene. But everyone else did what they had to do. They weren't asked for much but they got the job done. My favorite would be Briana Evigan as Cassidy. She made a very likable heroine, and actually had me rooting for her to survive. She was great as the moral one of the group with a conscious. The person who seems to be getting a lot of buzz is Leah Pipes as Jessica. She was really funny, yes. She was great in the role, but i didn't see why everyone loved Jessica so much? She had great one liners that made me laugh, but her character was completely flat! She had like no depth. She was just an outright bitch, and when she died, she deserved it. She showed no remorse for anyone. But i had loved to hate her! Margo was great as Chugs. She was funny and i wanted to see more of her. Everytime she or Leah Pipes (Jessica) opened their mouths i would laugh. Rumer was decent as Ellie, I guess, All she had to do was scream and cry and that got a tad annoying. Jamie as Claire actually surprised me. I wasn't expecting her to be good, but she got the job done. One of my favorites though would be Carrie Fisher, she had a HOOT with the role and i had fun watching her! Loved her with the shotgun! The guys though in this film were either boring...or were playing douche bags. Although they were quite good looking! So probs for hiring such a great looking cast. They reeled me in deeper into the...and I wanted to get reeled into some of those guy's pants. Just sayin'
What surprised me, is that I actually found myself liking some of the girls and I didn't want to see some of them go. I stress the word some.
The directing was gorgeous. He has a great hand. But the movie was too jump scare! Where's the suspense?! Not in this movie.
The movie had a GREAT morbid dark humor to it that i couldn't get enough of. It was actually probably my favorite part of the film.
The deaths were somewhat inventive and cool and had some decent blood. They weren't gory, but they got the job done. I wouldn't have minded more gore, but that is because I'm a sick fuck. The tire iron, was okay looking, but honestly I didn't find it to be a scary looking weapon. The deaths were mean and i loved how most of them were through the mouth LOL!
I didn't like the killer's costume...i found it to just be so boring and generic. What the fuck were they thinking with that SHIT costume. I wouldn't be scared of this asshole while having a bad acid trip in a haunted house on halloween night.
But for the first hour or so, i was having a good time. I was enjoying the movie big time. But it's the last half hour is where everything REALLY falls apart for me. It was just stupid as hell! Granted, the first hour wasn't very smart but it got the job done, but in the last half hour, intelligence was just THROWN out of the building. The worst would be the reveal of the killer. I guessed it at the beginning and it was utterly ridiculous. It was even worse when a red herring was released just before he was revealed. I wanted to throw up at that scene! It was just so random and BADLY written. Then there's the character revelation at the end that saves the day out of nowhere. Again it was random, and it made NO sense to who her character was. There was no character arc or evolvement. It just came out of NOWHERE.
Plus, where were my chase scenes?! You can't have a good old fashioned slasher film with out them?!
I would comment on the soundtrack but i don't remember it, so i guess it didn't bother me...or stand out to me either way.
I do love how at the end the survivor(s?) are walking out of the burning house looking hot and pouting in slow motion as some "Hip" song plays in the background...because that is what i would do obviously.
If the last act was fixed up and the characters were more developed and if the movie would have actually been suspenseful or scary, i would have liked the movie more. Too bad...this could've been better. But I still had an okay time with the movie.

OVERALL GRADE: 6/10