Friday the 13th (2009)

Director: Marcus Niespel
Cast:
Jared Padelecki/Clay
Danielle Panabaker/Jenna
Amanda Righetti/Whitney
Travis Van Winkle/Trent
Julianna Guill/Bree
Derek Mears/Jason Voorhees

PLOT:
Jason kills a bunch of idiot dumb college students in the woods. It’s a Friday the 13th film, what do you expect?

BREAKDOWN:
Another day, another remake. When will this craze END?! I’m sick of them remaking all of my favorite movies. I adore the original Friday the 13th to death. I found it to be a scary and suspenseful well-made movie with characters I cared for. Oh well…this craze isn’t going to end for a while I feel like. At first I was angry with how Jason was the killer AND had his hockey mask, because any fan boy knows that his MOM was the killer in the original and that he didn’t get the infamous hockey mask until Part 3. But after a while and watching the pretty badass trailer, it looked more like a sequel to me then a remake…and that is how I looked at it as Friday the 13th: Part 12…and that made it better to me, because I’ve been wanting another sequel for a LONG time now.
I saw this movie opening night on Valentine’s Day with my ex-boyfriend. (Asshole!) I was really looking forward to this, even though I knew it wouldn’t meet the greatness of the original. This was my idea of a romantic movie though.
The movie opened up strong with one of the greatest openings to a horror film ever. The first twenty minutes gave us five likable characters that were fun and very enjoyable. I especially liked that Richie guy. He definitely got me to crack up! I really warmed up to these five people. Then Jason came in and ripped them to shreds so to speak. The kills were brutal and harsh (although not that gory) and suspense and tension was IN THE HOUSE! The pacing was perfect and everything was perfect. And this is JUST the opening scene! When the title showed up after this, I couldn’t wait for the movie to truly kick in! How awesome was it truly going to be!
But alas this is where my problems lie. The movie had an AMAZING opening (although I could have done without that corny black and white pre opening thing) but then…went onto become a bland and suspense-less thrill ride with not too many thrills. So in the end, the rest of the movie couldn’t live up to the badass opening. If the movie would have just been the first twenty minutes and been a short film, I actually probably would have been a happy camper. But what was wrong with the rest of the movie you may ask; let me tell you.
First the characters! Except for two characters, these were some of the most annoying and cardboard thin characters to grace the screen. They were supposed to be college students in their twenties but they were doing things that only little kids would do. Basically they grated my nerves BIG TIME! I just wanted them to all die. Thank god for Clay and Jenna. Clay is a guy on a mission to find his sister who went missing in the beginning. He was likable and he was my root to the movie. But it was Jenna who truly stole the movie for me. Danielle Panabaker shined BIG TIME. Her character was pretty thin, but she made her so likable and really added depth and she became the ONLY true character I wanted to make it out alive in the end. The rest of the cast was decent. I didn’t really notice any bad acting; it’s just that they didn’t really have any good roles. If it were up to me, the first five characters would have been the main characters of the entire film.
My biggest problem is that this was NOT Jason. It was pretty much Leatherface at Camp Crystal Lake. Jason in this film was intelligent, held people captive, and traveled through underground tunnels. What?! This is NOT the Jason I know and love. I like my Jason either as a dumb and deformed retard or as an unstoppable zombie. Here he was played as an intelligent hunter. This created MANY plot holes. How could no one notice an intelligent killer living there…especially when he has HIGH BEAM LIGHTS set up! And Jason does NOT keep people captive. He slaughters them, not chains them up. To me this was just not Jason Voorhees. Mears played him well, but I hope in the sequel they make him MORE like the Jason we know and love.
The kills in the movie were brutal and harsh…but they could have gone further. They weren’t gory enough for my liking. But hey! It was still better than any PG-13 shit fest (like Prom Night or The Stepfather remakes). Even though I am a gay man, I appreciated all the sex and nudity because it added an old 80’s feeling to the movie. But having lots of sex and nudity doesn’t make it a Friday the 13th film.
What about the soundtrack? It was...adequate. Nothing more. Nothing less. It did it's job and i don't even remember it...but i would have like more of the ki ki ki ma ma ma theme.
Then came the ending. It was…entertaining, but was DUMBER than Paris Hilton. If you do not want spoilers TURN BACK NOW!!!


SPOILERS!!!



Clay finds his sister alive after six weeks of being chained up by Jason. WTF? Again, Jason doesn’t chain people up! Then they kill off the ONE person who was the only truly likable character, Jenna. It was a surprise because she WAS the heroine. But she went out in such a stupid way. If they were going to kill off the heroine, at least give her a GREAT and respectable death scene. Then it’s the brother and sister alive. There was no suspense. No tension. And when they “kill” Jason, why did they kick his body into the ocean. He’s a “real man” remember? They just disposed of evidence. In Part 6 it was fine cause Jason was a zombie, but here it was just utter stupidity.
In the end, the movie was just a good first 20 minutes and then another hour or so of tensionless stupidity. Almost no likable characters. Jason isn’t the same Jason we used to love. The kills were harsh, but not gory. It was pretty much just dumb entertainment with now suspense.
To think of a rating was hard. Because those first 20 minutes REALLY kicked ass and if I had to JUST rate the first 20 minutes alone, I’d give the movie a strong 8/10…but alas that isn’t the entire film. There was another hour plus. So I had to think of it all together.
Strong opening. Bad middle act. Entertaining but stupid third act. I think the final rating is fair. This movie was stupid entertainment. Nothing more, nothing less.

OVERALL GRADE: 5/10

Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)

DIRECTOR: Chris Weitz

CAST:
Kristen Stewart/Bella Swan
Robert Pattinson/Edward Cullen
Taylor Lautner/ Jacob Black
Ashley Greene/Alice Cullen
other people i could care less about

Plot: Bella has been dumped by Edward, so she mopes, mopes, and mopes some more and then rebounds with a guy with abs of steel and then has to save Edward at the end...or something like that.

Review:
I'm gonna start off and say I am NOT a Twilight basher. I have read the book series and hated it and I even saw the first movie expecting shit and was pleasantly surprised. I found the first movie to be an enjoyable and "cute" movie. (6/10). Don't take away my man points for liking it. I have a romantic bone inside me. I found Bella to be a likable character and her relationship with Edward was sweet and seemed ALMOST true to me. So I am one of the FEW horror fans who liked, NOT loved, but liked Twilight. It was an okay film. But I still went into this sequel with reservations because i thought the second book was utter shit...and the movie was pretty much a copy of the book...so yeah...you know where i'm about to go.
I could have enjoyed this movie. It had SO much going on for it. They included werewolves, a peeved off vampire that wants revenge (Victoria) and the Volturi. The Volturi are like the government for vampires that rule over them all. These all sound awesome right?! Well this isn't what you get. Instead we have an hour and a half of a girl moping and being depressed over losing her "love." That's it?! Are you fuckin' kidding me?! Sorry, but who wants to pay to see a girl be depressed?
Lets start with my biggest problem first: the main character, Bella Swan. She might just about be one of the WORST written and annoying main characters to ever grace our time. In the first movie she seemed like she had SOME sort of personality or independence. I stress the word SOME I liked her and I could see why Edward would fall in love with her...well sorta. Yes she was angsty, but it was true angst. But in this sequel I wanted to backhand her so badly and I'm FIRMLY against hitting women by the way. I have heard people call her a heroine, but in what case is she? They're all fuckin' stupid! She might just about be one of the worst role models as well out there! She is a woman who is so dependent and MUST have a man in her life. After reading the four books and seeing the two movies, i have come to realize i have learned pretty much NOTHING about her. People call her her selfless...but she is UTTERLY selfish. She drops EVERYTHING for Edward. She doesn't think about her future or college or her family or friends. She only cares about herself and Edward. That is NOT a selfless person. In this movie she is supposed to be a senior in high school, so why isn't she even thinking about college or a future, OTHER than Edward. Sorry girl, but someone should tell you men aren't EVERYTHING. I can rant about her character all day, especially since for class i'm doing an essay on strong women, so it annoys me when people claim women are portrayed badly in horror films even though they usually survive and outsmart the killer, when selfish and lacking-personality twits like Bella are considered role models. What is our world coming too? Tell her to get a fuckin' hobby!
The dialogue is so bad in this sequel. It's WAY too cliched and sounds like an old romance movie from the 20s. It didn't seem fluid or real whatsoever. Granted, the dialogue in the first movie was cliched and crappy, but this sequel takes it to a whole new level. The comparisons to Romeo and Juliet seemed forced and I'm sorry but Edward and Bella are NO Romeo and Juliet. If you want to see some good vampire couples we have Caleb and Mae from Near Dark or Oskar and Eli from Let the Right One In or even Bill and Sookie from True Blood (my favorite show).
In the first movie I thought the relationship was sweet and i really bought into it, but in this one it just did nothing for me...I'm sure it helps that Edward was hardly in this film.
The directing...was okay. It looked good but it just did nothing for me. I was longing for Catherine Hardwicke's directions. Her indie directing gave the first film and edge to it that made it seem much more than just a sappy romance flick. I loved her blue hues and she pulled out so much in the film.
The soundtrack is the BEST part of the film. The one thing that these films have going for it are a good soundtrack. I openly admit I own the scores and the soundtracks to each film. The score is beautiful and poetic, and the music chosen for the film was great. Plus Muse is my favorite band. So on this front, we have a winner.
But how were the performances? On this front...we did okay. Kristen Stewart gets a lot of flack but i believe she IS a good actress...but the role of Bella is badly written with the worst dialogue. I like Kristen Stewart, but even SHE couldn't save the character in this film. She was decent, no more no less. Most of the cast did good with what they were given. Pattinson was okay? He didn't have much of a role though. Taylor Lautner was also decent! Number one...HOT DAMN!!! What a body!!! I was drooling over his body throughout the entire movie, but his face ain't much in my opinion. He looks like a 12 year old boy. His character was sort of likable and was one of the BEST parts of the movie and he's the reason why i give the movie a higher rating then what I should. Lautner wasn't bad in the part either, nothing great. But I was expecting shitty acting. But again, why does he want Bella? He can do so much better! Another stand out to me was Ashley Greene as Alice. Her character was always my favorite and she really livens up the movie when she is on. She is the only character that seems to be smart in the film and her charm is so infectuous i couldn't help but smile when she was onscreen. I want to see more about her character! I wish SHE was the main character. But i must say the inclusion of Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning...CLASS! They knocked their tiny roles OUT of the park. No surprise. It's a shame their characters were barely in the movie since their scene was probably the most interesting part. But the wolf pack, other than Jacob, sucked. They just took off their shirts and that is it. I'm a gay man, and I love shirtless men as much as the next gay man, but this film took it too far. I was getting annoyed by the werewolf clan! Put some fuckin' clothes on!
What else was good about the movie? The last half hour was actually sort of entertaining. But the transition was SLOPPY at best. How was a decision made so fast and how did they get to Rome in NO time! It's ridiculous.
The wolves were too cute looking though, plus I HATE CGI! Just use real goddamn wolves (like True Blood does).
But what was with all the subplots they brought up? Like with Victoria, her character was wasted! THey could have done something cool with her, but instead they threw her character away. Why did they even bother including her in the movie. And with the wolf pack they could have done more with them. But my biggest gripe in the subplot area was with the Volturi. They could have made for an interesting movie, so why did they save them for the last half hour.
In the end...i didn't hate New Moon, I DESPISED New Moon. The main character was badly written and i wanted to kill her and the movie was pretty much a cute chick moping and having no personality. But i found a couple things to like. The performances were mostly decent and the guys were hot and frequently shirtless and Alice's character was so ADORABLE! I would love to see a spin off ALL about her.
But these few things could NOT help a movie THIS bad...bring on Eclipse...*BARF*

OVERALL GRADE: 2/10

The Hills Run Red (2009)

Director: Dave Parker
Cast:
Sophie Monk/Alexa Concannon
Tad Hilgenbrink/Tyler
Janet Montgomery/Serina
Alex Wyndham/Lalo
William Sadler/Wilson Wyler Concannon

PLOT:
Tyler is a horror movie obsessed geek who is out to find the legendary film The Hills Run Red which has only been seen once by public. It was deemed as too scary and gory. He finds the director’s daughter, and they, along with Tyler’s girlfriend, Serina and best friend Lalo set out to find the lost film. But what the quartet finds is much worse. The movie is NOT done being finished.

BREAKDOWN:
Color me surprised! I saw the movie, thinking it would be good, but nothing more than just good or okay. I actually LOVED it! The movie is definitely one of my favorite movies of 2009 thus far. The film had a brutal edge that is missing from most movies these days. Thankfully the film lived up to its R-rating. Usually when a movie is gory, it isn’t scary. Sometimes it feels like a movie can be one or the other, but never both. Obviously there are exceptions (like Inside or Haute Tension…both French films) but this film…shows you that it can be both. This is one of those exceptions. The movie was really suspenseful in places and put out some NICE gory death scenes, my favorite being the tree scene. You’ll know it when you see it. I knew from the opening scene, that this film would be different.
The movie isn’t just good death scenes though; the characters themselves were developed and likable. I actually felt myself rooting for them. But they weren’t perfect and moral and did all the right things. They were flawed people who did bad things. Sometimes they were even a bit selfish or oblivious. But the flaws made me care for them, because it made them more realistic and relatable. I especially related to the character of Tyler. He’s a horror obsessed geek who would do anything for the sake of a horror film. I grew up LOVING horror films. I didn’t grow up on Disney like most kids. I grew up watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, A Nightmare on Elm Street…all the originals of course. So I saw a lot of me in Tyler. I would do anything for a horror film. I don’t know if I would be quite as oblivious as he was though. His girlfriend, Serina, ends up becoming a different kind of heroine. She isn’t perfect. She’s immoral and makes mistakes like any other human being. She isn’t completely behind Tyler’s search for the film and isn’t always trying to help others. The friend Lalo was okay. He was the most boring of the group. I liked him though. He seemed like a chill dude, and he got me to crack a few smiles. The character that blew me away though would be Alexa, who was brilliantly played by Sophie Monk. The character had so many facets and I never knew where they were going with her. It was nice to be surprised in a horror film for once.
Acting wise, EVERYONE was on the ball. Sophie Monk stole the show though. Her character had so many facets, and she hit every single one of them. She was sexy, bad, vulnerable, sweet, and so much more. This girl was amazing. William Sadler, in his limited screen time was amazing and really rocked. The other three were great and did what they had to do. Hilgenbrink was great as Tyler and was pretty cute to boot. Call me boy… ;-) Wyndham as Lalo did good, but Montgomery as Serina was amazing. Yes all she really had to do was run and scream, but she really seemed to be terrified. Her screaming was almost heartbreaking; she really put everything she had into this role.
The directing and soundtrack was great. They really pulled me into the movie more than it could have. Parker even milked a lot of suspense and scares out of his film. Great job man! Kudos!
This movie could be considered “torture-porn” but it is so much more than that. It is a great film. It reminds me more of a slasher film, with torture in it. It even has a bit of an 80’s feel to it, a GREAT time for horror.
Onto Babyface though. We have Freddy, Michael, and Jason. Let’s add Babyface to the list. He was one BADASS killer. He wears a Babyface mask sewn onto his face and a bright red jacket and wears a necklace with a rattle tied around his neck. It is his death rattle. He is a killer to be afraid of. He scared the shit out of me and was a big part of what made the movie worked.
The whole film side of the movie was great. It was a nice twist and made it seem even more fucked up then what it was.
Any flaws? Yeah, I have a few. One of my bigger flaws, was that as awesome as the gore was, the blood was a little to CGI in places. The scenes with practical gore were the best. Personally practical effects are the ONLY way to go. I despise CGI. I also think the gore didn’t go as far as it could have, but I’ll let that slide. I heard more than ten minutes were chopped off the movie.
As likable and flawed as the characters were, they did to some selfish moves that had me almost not like them in places. One scene in particular is when one character gets attacked and their friends says fuck it and goes to run for it. These are supposed to be a close group of friends…but in real life, who knows what we would do? This is probably more realistic...but still I feel like they could've fixed the characters...
This leads me to my biggest flaw of the movie. The first half or 3/4 of the film was amazing...when it was just being a plain old slasher film. It was clever, fun, and even creepy. But then the last block hit and the movie lost me here. It became torture porn and...I'm not a torture fan. I don't mind some of it in my horror films...but when it comes down to it, it never scared me. I'm not a Saw fan...and I thought Hostel was okay...but I prefer slasher films. So the last half hour became just kind of boring and ridiculous to me.
These few flaws didn’t tarnish a thing. It is still a strong scary and gory film that knows what it is. It provided some new twists to the genre that is getting old…and is NOT a remake which is good in my books. This film should have gotten a theatrical release!

OVERALL GRADE: 8/10

Jennifer's Body (2009)

Director: Karyn Kusama
Cast:
Megan Fox/Jennifer
Amanda Seyfried/Needy
Johnny Simmons/Chip
Adam Brody/Nikolai
Kyle Gallner/Colin

PLOT:
Jennifer Check is beautiful and she knows it. Every boy wants her. She and her best friend Needy (no joke) go to a bar to watch an emo-rock band, but when the bar breaks down, the next time Needy sees Jennifer she is a she-bitch from hell who survives off of eating boys. Damn right!

BREAKDOWN:
What will make or break this movie is do you like Diablo Cody's writing style? If you do then you'll probably enjoy this movie. If not, then most likely not. BUT she definitely tones down the dialogue from Juno. It is NO WHERE near as "indie and hip" as Juno's dialogue was. Notice how i put indie and hip in quotes. Exactly! But i'm not a basher of Juno. I actually really like the movie (8/10)...but i found it to be kind of pretentious. But i think Diablo seems like a cool chick and i dig her writing style. Yes it can get annoying, but it is different. On to the movie though!
From the plot alone, it sounds like a cheesy 80s, B-movie. And that is EXACTLY what we got here...but with a budget and great acting. Not saying its a bad thing =D. The movie was just really entertaining. I can't say it was good per se. But i had a GREAT time with the movie. The cast was top notch. Megan Fox was good...but she didn't have to stretch much, but was good in the role. I want to see her in a meaty role one day to see if she can TRULY act, but girl did good...and she is HOT. The person that stole the show though was Amanda Seyfried. She made Needy so likable and adorable and i really rooted for the girl! She was so sweet and shy...but ulgy my ass! That girl is HOT! I may be in the minority but i actually prefer her to Megan. Johnny as Chip did good. And I want mention Kyle Gallner as Jennifer's goth boy victim. I really dug him and wanted more of his character. I found his character likable, cute, sweet, and he just turned me on big time. I wanted more of him!
The direction was great! It was full of energy and had some great shots! The soundtrack as well was great. I loved the score and those "sell-them-soundtrack" pop/rock songs weren't bad.
The deaths were pretty cool. I loved how Jennifer had to seduce the men before eating them. But my favorite aspects of the movie would be the relationships. Needy really seemed to want Jennifer (all about that kiss...HOT MAN!). Was it because she wanted her or because she looked up to her? She would really do anything for her. The two girls had great chemistry and i really felt for their relationship as it went to shit. Needy's relationship with Chip was so genuine and sweet and it was just cute.
One of my favorite scenes of the movie would be when Jennifer is seducing a boy and getting ready to eat him, but it inter cuts with Needy and Chip as they're getting ready for their first time making love. The different moods were so different. The scenes with Jennifer were so viscous and sexy, and then when it would switch to Amanda where it's innocent and sweet.
Flaws? Yes i have a bunch. LOL. One of my biggest flaws would be how it wanted to be both funny and scary. When it came to being funny, yes it made me laugh but it wasn't as hilarioius as it thought it was. And it fared even worse with the scares. Except for one tense scene, there was no suspense in this house. The balance act was OFF! When it came to sex and gore? Too much was off screen for my taste...and i feel like there should have been nudity. It would've made the movie even better to my liking and cemented that 80's B movie feel. Some of the dialogue was bad. I like Diablo's writing, yes, but it can get putrid sometimes and sometimes that happened here. The movie felt like it was trying to be a LOT more clever than it was. It was going for a Heathers feel...but Heathers did it better. The movie just felt a bit pretentious.
In the end though, i really liked the movie. Loved it? No. Enjoyed the fuck out of it? HELL YES! I appreciate what the movie was trying to do. It was trying to be different and be clever, and i appreciate trying to be different way more than being dumb or a remake! =D

OVERALL GRADE: 7/10

Sorority Row (2009)

Director: Stewart Hendler
Cast:
Briana Evigan/Cassidy
Leah Pipes/Jessica
Rumer Willis/Ellie
Jamie Chung/Claire
Julian Morris/Andy
Margo Harshman/Chugs
Carrie Fisher/Mrs. Crenshaw
Audrina Partridge/Megan

Plot: Five sorority sisters are trying to show their sixth sister's boyfriend how it is after cheating on Megan. But when the prank goes wrong leaving someone dead, eight months go by and soon they're all getting mysterious text messages. Someone knows what they did, and soon the girls are getting killed off in semi-gory ways.

Review:
I'm going to start this review with this, I'm a huge fan of The House on Sorority Row (1983). It wasn't a perfect movie, but i loved it. When the remake was announced I wasn't devastated but whatever, what can we do?! I actually had high hopes for the film becasue the trailer made it look like a good old fashioned slasher flick...i LOVE THOSE! Did it reach my expectations?
I'll start with the good. The girls were gorgeous and they can act! I don't know if Audrina can act since she had one scene, but from what i saw, maybe its good she only had one scene. But everyone else did what they had to do. They weren't asked for much but they got the job done. My favorite would be Briana Evigan as Cassidy. She made a very likable heroine, and actually had me rooting for her to survive. She was great as the moral one of the group with a conscious. The person who seems to be getting a lot of buzz is Leah Pipes as Jessica. She was really funny, yes. She was great in the role, but i didn't see why everyone loved Jessica so much? She had great one liners that made me laugh, but her character was completely flat! She had like no depth. She was just an outright bitch, and when she died, she deserved it. She showed no remorse for anyone. But i had loved to hate her! Margo was great as Chugs. She was funny and i wanted to see more of her. Everytime she or Leah Pipes (Jessica) opened their mouths i would laugh. Rumer was decent as Ellie, I guess, All she had to do was scream and cry and that got a tad annoying. Jamie as Claire actually surprised me. I wasn't expecting her to be good, but she got the job done. One of my favorites though would be Carrie Fisher, she had a HOOT with the role and i had fun watching her! Loved her with the shotgun! The guys though in this film were either boring...or were playing douche bags. Although they were quite good looking! So probs for hiring such a great looking cast. They reeled me in deeper into the...and I wanted to get reeled into some of those guy's pants. Just sayin'
What surprised me, is that I actually found myself liking some of the girls and I didn't want to see some of them go. I stress the word some.
The directing was gorgeous. He has a great hand. But the movie was too jump scare! Where's the suspense?! Not in this movie.
The movie had a GREAT morbid dark humor to it that i couldn't get enough of. It was actually probably my favorite part of the film.
The deaths were somewhat inventive and cool and had some decent blood. They weren't gory, but they got the job done. I wouldn't have minded more gore, but that is because I'm a sick fuck. The tire iron, was okay looking, but honestly I didn't find it to be a scary looking weapon. The deaths were mean and i loved how most of them were through the mouth LOL!
I didn't like the killer's costume...i found it to just be so boring and generic. What the fuck were they thinking with that SHIT costume. I wouldn't be scared of this asshole while having a bad acid trip in a haunted house on halloween night.
But for the first hour or so, i was having a good time. I was enjoying the movie big time. But it's the last half hour is where everything REALLY falls apart for me. It was just stupid as hell! Granted, the first hour wasn't very smart but it got the job done, but in the last half hour, intelligence was just THROWN out of the building. The worst would be the reveal of the killer. I guessed it at the beginning and it was utterly ridiculous. It was even worse when a red herring was released just before he was revealed. I wanted to throw up at that scene! It was just so random and BADLY written. Then there's the character revelation at the end that saves the day out of nowhere. Again it was random, and it made NO sense to who her character was. There was no character arc or evolvement. It just came out of NOWHERE.
Plus, where were my chase scenes?! You can't have a good old fashioned slasher film with out them?!
I would comment on the soundtrack but i don't remember it, so i guess it didn't bother me...or stand out to me either way.
I do love how at the end the survivor(s?) are walking out of the burning house looking hot and pouting in slow motion as some "Hip" song plays in the background...because that is what i would do obviously.
If the last act was fixed up and the characters were more developed and if the movie would have actually been suspenseful or scary, i would have liked the movie more. Too bad...this could've been better. But I still had an okay time with the movie.

OVERALL GRADE: 6/10

Drag Me to Hell (2009)

Director: Sam Raimi
CAST:
Alison Lohman/Christine Brown
Justin Long/Clay Dalton
Lorna Raver/Mrs. Ganush

Plot: Christine has just pissed off a gypsy when she declined giving her an extension on her house. Instead of being a normal human being, the gypsy curses her and now Christine will be dragged down to hell in three days. Oh shit!

Review:
This was my one of my most anticipated movies of 2009...and it did NOT disappoint! It was Sam Raimi's return to the horror genre, where i believe he rightfully belongs. I mean come on! Look at his Evil Dead trilogy...AMAZING! I especially love the original Evil Dead (1981). So yes you could say i was excited for this movie, plus i thought the trailer was AMAZING.
Plot wise, it's a simple movie and that works. It was all about scaring the living shit out of you, and the movie did that perfectly. It was also about making you laugh until your gut busts, which it also did perfectly! Think Evil Dead 2 if it was pg13. I know that's a strange comparison but that is what we got here. I was always jumping or laughing or sometimes both at the same time. Hell yes i was having a great time. It didn't even FEEL like a Pg13 film! It was so gooey, that I forgot it wasn't rated R. It sure felt like it did. I never wanted it to end. Usually a movie has an epic scene or two where you are always going to remember it and quote it all the time...for me the movie had at LEAST four, my favorite one being the seance scene. Wait till you see it! Everything about that scene is done so well. (FYI, I can quote this scene perfectly now!)
The directing is amazing. Raimi hasn't lost his charm. He's always on the move and is always filming in weird angles like we love. It's true Raimi-fashion! He really knows how to combine the laughs with teh scares. Not many directors can do that.
The script itself is very well written and VERY clever. One of my favorites would have to be the soundtrack though. Christopher Young IS my favorite composer for movies. I especially love his horror film soundtracks, my favorite being Hellraiser 2. The soundtrack to this movie reminded me of a cross between Evil Dead 1, Evil Dead 2, and Hellraiser 2. EPIC!
Acting wise, everyone was ON THE BALL!!! I was ALWAYS on Alison's side. She was great in the role and really conveyed a lot of depth and emotion and made me care for her. Justin was great in the straight man role. He's a good actor and i always like him. Plus he has a dorky cute quality to him. Lorna Raver was funny and scary as fuck! Job well done!
It helped that all the characters were great and well written. The best is our heroine Christine. She is a flawed woman who just wants to get that promotion but she still has a conscious and feels bad about what she did. Plus she's an ass kicker and has one of the best one liners this side of Bruce Campbell. (I beat you old bitch!) Her boyfriend was cute and lovable so there you go.
This is the best time i had at the movies all year, with My Bloody Valentine 3D (9/10) being a close second.
Any flaws to spit out? A couple. The CGI was weak in a few spots and i just overall prefer practical effects. I think practical effects are always the way to go and don't look AS cheesy as CGI effects. That was my biggest peeve. The CGI actually pulled me out of the film at points - No bueno! Plus there was a plot turn that is really obvious and makes the last act kind of predictable, but this was pretty minor, because the final act was still EPIC!
Overall this was was one of the BEST times I had in 2009. I actually ended up seeing this film FOUR times last summer. My DVD has gone on to be watched many more times. It's a great horror film.
OVERALL GRADE: 9/10

A Perfect Getaway (2009)

Director: David Twohy
Cast:
Steve Zahn/Cliff
Timothy Olyphant/Nick
Milla Jovovich/Cydney
Kiele Sanchez/Gina
Marley Shelten/Cleo
Chris Hemsworth/Kale

Plot: Three couples are traveling through Hawaii when a pair of killers are on the loose. Could any one of these couples be the killer? Suspense ensues!

Review:
I'm not going to lie but i didn't go into this movie with very high hopes. I saw the trailer and thought it looked like a generic action/thriller. It didn't look good to me. But i went and saw it anyway. Color me surprised!
I actually ended up really digging the film! Granted it WAS generic and i did see a lot of the twists coming. And the big "ending" you won't see coming, i knew was going to come from watching the trailers alone...but it didn't tarnish my enjoyment of it. I had a great time watching this movie.
The characters were likable and i was rooting for all of them. My favorite would definitely have to be Nick and Gina. I thought they both kicked ass! I wanted to have fun and hike along with them. It has a slow buildup the movie, but it didn't' bother me. I like a slow buildup sometimes, but then it lets everything loose in the last act...and a great last act it is. We go through a lot of action, and suspense, and great chase scenes. I was LOVING it! The movie was full of tension.
The actors all did great and really made each of theri characters stand out. You can always count on Steve, Milla and Timothy though. Milla is a favorite of mine, so whenever she pops up in a horror or horror-ish film, it is always a pleasure for me. This movie is no different. I especially love when she has a good character to work with.
The direction was beautiful and he really milked the scenery for all its worth. I want to go to Hawaii!!! He milked a LOT of suspense and tension out of the film and at some points I was truly on the edge of my seat. There is one chase scene towards the end that I was biting my nails in anticipation for.
The soundtrack got the job done and echoed the visuals perfectly, but it all comes down to the script...and the script was pretty tight and clever. The dialogue was always sharp and witty and was my favorite part of the film.
Of course there are flaws. As smart as the movie was and as suspenseful as it was, i still saw the last block coming from a mile away. I just wish i didn't know how it was going to end, because i found it a tad predictable. This tarnished some of the suspense for me in the end. There were also a couple plot holes, and the "red herrings" were way too obvious. But i still had a great time with this movie. Another flaw I had with the film was with the characters of Kale and Cleo (ably played by Chris Hemsworth and the great Marley Shelton). They were drastically underused and I wanted more of them in the film. Plus there characters were obviously only in the film for one reason.
But overall, I was still surprised by this film. Sometimes I love having low expectations, because a film can seem even better.
OVERALL GRADE: 7/10

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006)

Director: Jonathon Levine
Cast:
Amber Heard/Mandy Lane
Michael Welch/Emmett
Anson Mount/Garth
Whitney Able/Chloe
Aaron Himelstein/Red
Edwin Hodge/Bird
Luke Grimes/Jake
Melissa Price/Marlin

Plot: Mandy Lane is beautiful and sweet and is loved by all. When she is invited to a ranch party with five friends it'll turn into a weekend of terror as someone with a shotgun is offing off each teen one by one to get Mandy alone.

Review:
I had to review this movie, because it is a personal favorite of mine. It is a very underrated movie. This film is my second favorite film, RIGHT after High Tension. You can probably already guess this will be a rave review...and you're right. It will be! I fucking LOVED this movie.
Everything about this movie was astounding. In an age of remakes and pussified horror films, it was a breath of fresh air to see a slasher film that reeked of the 70s and 80s slasher films, while still having an original twist. AMAZING!
The direction has a 70's, indie feel to it. It's a tad grainy and it's perfect. He milks out the scares and gets some genuine suspense in there. I also pat the director on the back for having as much of the film take place in the daylight as in the night. Usually that can take away the suspense, but the day had a dread feeling to it and was still scary.
Soundtrack wise, again perfect! It's trippy and creepy and really pulls you deeper into the movie. The songs they use fit the movie. They're all oldies and they make the movie have even more of an old feel.
Acting wise...again everyone was on the ball! They casted young actors who LOOK like teenagers. The stand outs though were Amber Heard, Michael Welch, and even Whitney Able. Amber's role is cleverly written and she brought so much depth and levels to it. She had a naive sexiness to her that really worked. I'm a gay male, but even i fell in love with Mandy Lane. I first saw this movie back in 2006 and i still to this day think Amber is one of the most beautiful women i've ever seen...maybe even the MOST beautiful. Michael Welch was great in his role and brought a much needed sympathy to his character. Great! Whitney played the skinny anorexic looking slut who's also the bitch. Usually i hate those characters...but she added so much depth. She came off so vulnerable and sad and tad pathetic even. She actually made me feel for her.
These actors all had great characters to work with as well. A lot of them aren't the nicest people...but i still liked them all and rooted for them all to make it. They started off as stereotypes, but as the movie went on, they began to break down and they became real people who i cared for. Even the black guy was treated normally...THANK GOD!
With the gore, it wasn't gory. But the deaths are brutal and the killer was ANGRY here! I loved the deaths! They were well staged and well shot!
The movie might be one of the most realistic slasher films ever made because it actually deals with real issues like Columbine or Virginia tech. They brought it into a more realistic light, and that is one of the main reason why i love it.
Any negatives? Very minor ones. My favorite part of slasher films are the chase scenes and granted this movie had a couple of them...but they could've been developed longer! They seemed more like good starts to good chase scenes rather than full chase scenes. That's about it for my flaws.
How long can i go on praising this movie for? A LONG TIME! There is so much more i can say, but i don't want to bore you folks. But this is, in my personal opinion, the best american slasher film made in years. Like i said this movie is a personal favorite of mine. You may not agree with this review, but fuck it! I love this movie!

OVERALL GRADE: 10/10

Final Destination 4 (2009)

Director: David Ellis
Cast:
Bobby Campo/Nick
Shantel VanSanten/Lori
Nick Zano/Hunt
Haley Webb/Janet

Plot: Kids cheat death. Death goes after them.

Review:
I'm a BIG fan of the original Final Destination (8/10). I found it to be an original movie full of wit and some good suspense and scares and likable characters. I loved it! Then Final Destination 2 (7/10) came around and I liked it. Did I love it? Not really! It was too jokey and comical for my liking. But I still liked it, enjoyed it, and had a good time with it. But Final Destination 3 (5/10) came out in 2006 and I was disappointed to say the least. It wasn't what what I was hoping for. But now Final Destination 4 (yes I know it's called The Final Destination but I think that title sucks) was just released...and oh boy...
I'll begin with the good stuff. The death scenes were gory and brutal. The deaths weren't as extravagant as the first three films...but I still saw blood. They had a nice mean streak to them. I was having a good time whenever one of these "people" were about to die. As a whole I was "enjoying" the movie on a complete surface level. It was fast, short, and didn't waste time. The morbid humor had too. They really axed ANY meat this film could've had. I was having a good time...but here's the thing...that's all it was.
The opening crash...pretty bland in my opinion. It didn't excite me and I found it to be boring. As the movies go on, the opening premonitions seem to get worse to me. The first two films had GREAT opening premonitions, and I even REALLY liked the roller coaster from the third film. BUt the premonition in this film was just...bad in my opinion.
There was NO PLOT to this movie! It was just death scene after death scene after death scene...and you got it. I can TELL this movie was edited since all of its meat and story was gone! I love my mindless splatter films, but I still like there to be some time of story behind it all. I need something. What about the characters you may ask? Who cares is all I have to say?! These are hands down the LEAST developed characters of the series so far! I honestly didn't give a fuck about any of them one bit. I just wanted them ALL to die. Come on movie! You have to at least give me ONE character to root for! But everyone in this film was boring or annoying. And I thought the characters in FD3 were bad, but at least in that film I had Wendy, Kevin, and Ian to root for. Wendy was a GREAT character. Here i cared about no one. Although the main guy, Bobby Campo, was hot. I'll give them that. Even his girlfriend was cute. I love redheads since i'm a redhead myself. But again they were so paper thin i cared about no one. Granted the character played by Nick Zano (Hunt) was a fun character. I laughed with him...but thats about as far as it got. But I can't say I actually liked his character. He just made me laugh.
Acting wise...uneven. People were on. People were off. No one really truly stood out to me except for Nick Zano. He was the only one who seemed to have a good time and added life to his lifeless role. But other than him...nada. But i have a feeling this had to do more with the craptastic script. It's not like the people had much to work with in terms of substance. Better luck next time with these folks. I especially want to see more of Bobby Campo, now there's a hot guy! ;) Too bad his acting was atrocious.
The least they could of done was have an awesome finale. I feel like the last entry and this one didn't have one. They just ended and that was that, while the first two had awesome endings and final destinations so to speak. I don't know how to explain this, but this film just seemed to lack a finale.
Overall i won't lie, I had fun...but i just wished there was more in terms of story and characters. I know i'm weird. It's a horror film. Most people don't care but I do. I'm not asking for Hamlet, just give me some likable characters especially a great hero or heroine, good gore, some suspense and a well written script. It's NOT that hard.
Lets hope that Final Destination 5 is better...

OVERALL GRADE: 3/10

Rob Zombie's Halloween (2007)

Director: Rob Zombie
Cast:
Malcolm MacDowell/Dr. Samuel Loomis
Tyler Mane/Michael Myers
Daeg Faerch/Young Michael
Sheri Moon Zombie/Deborah Myers
Scout Taylor-Compton/Laurie Strode
Danielle Harris/Annie Brackett
Brad Dourif/Sheriff Brackett

PLOT:
Michael Myers grew up in a messed up home with a stripper mom and a trashy slut sister and a abusive stepfather. He grows up to take out three annoying trashy girls. John Carpenter's Halloween, this ain't!

BREAKDOWN:
What a weird movie to review. It's such an uneven movie. I'm sick and tired of this whole remake trend. I want some original horror flicks!!! There's a reason why I'm looking at France for all the horror films these days. Their movies are scary and they just rock! But back to remakes, I guess we have to get used to them because i have a feeling they're going to be around for a while. But there is still a line...and remaking Halloween was the line!!! It's one of my personal favorite movies. It's perfect and scary and suspenseful as hell! But at least once I heard Rob Zombie was going to helm it, I was relieved a little bit. I still did not want a remake but at least he'd make his own movie...sort of. But onto that later.
The first half of the movie was it's strength. It was REALLY cliched but it was still interesting to watch. But cliches started from something. I actually was feeling bad for young Myers. I just wanted to mess everyone up. I loved the relationship he had with "Boo" and his mother though. He seemed to genuinely love them. The first half I found to be well written and it's a different type of Haddonfield...the white trash Haddonfield.
The second half of the film is where it becomes a remake. This is my issue of the movie. This half kind of...sucked! There was NO suspense and I was not scared once whatsoever. I just was entertained...but I want more. I want to be feeling my heart racing and feeling like it's about to jump out of my chest. For example the closet scene in the original is better than this entire movie put together. Now that was a well put together scene. The second half was rushed and VERY by the numbers. The three main characters...were annoying and crude and I could not wait for them to die. It WAS good to see Dr. Loomis again though.
Acting wise, pretty much everyone was on the ball. The three girls although they were annoying...that is how they were written. It's not their fault. So they did good...but their characters were shit.
With the direction...again UNEVEN! The first half had style and added substance...while the second half became by the numbers, TOO shaky cam...i hate shaky cam, and just was get the job done. No suspense and no tension was felt by this hombre.
With the soundtrack by Tyler Bates, it was great! It echoed John Carpenter's score, while adding it's own tinge. I loved it!
The ending chase scene was good...but again i felt no suspense. But that might be because i didn't feel a thing for ANYONE in this god damn movie. I just wanted them to die.
The death scenes were great though. They were brutal and really got the job done!
Overall the movie was UNEVEN! How do you have a solid first half than a shitty and by the numbers second half. I definitely felt some studio tampering in this project. I kind of wished Zombie wrote a full out prequel and then maybe shot the "remake" part as a different movie...or no remake whatsoever...but i DID love the sequel as you've read in the other review.
I really wanted to like this movie...and I did to an extent...but it could have been better. But I do love Zombie for trying to do something a little bit different. I'll give him that.

GRADE: 5/10

Rob Zombie's Halloween 2 (2009)

Director: Rob Zombie
Cast:
Scout Taylor-Compton/Laurie Strode
Brad Dourif/Sheriff Brackett
Danielle Harris/Annie Brackett
Malcolm MacDowell/Dr. Samuel Loomis
Tyler Mane/Michael Myers
Brea Grant/Mya Rockwell
Angela Trimbur/Harley David

PLOT:
It's been a year since that fateful day in Haddonfield when Michael Myers wreaked havoc upon the small suburban (yet white-trashy at the same time) town. Laurie is dealing with the problems in her head while Annie and Sheriff Brackett have taken her in. But soon Michael is back...and he is angrier than ever...Oh and theres a ghost chick in white with a matching horse to boot! You've got to see it to believe it! Read on!

BREAKDOWN:
I'm in the minority of people who actually enjoyed Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween. Was it perfect? NO! Was it even good? I still don't know the answer to that one. But i sure did enjoy it, more so the first half. The second half had it's problems...but i'll get to that in another review someday. This review is about Halloween 2, a sequel to HIS movie. And this movie is ALL Rob Zombie. Think slasher film meets a mind fuck! Sounds weird right? But for me it worked! I went in seeing this movie...and to put it lightly, my epectations weren't very high. The reviews were crap even from the horror critics out there. And I didn't even know if I wanted a sequel to Zombie's Halloween.
But I'm glad I saw this movie! This movie had me hook, line, and sinker after the opening scene which slyly homaged the original Halloween 2. The first block was tension laced and had me chewing my nails down in suspense. I was floored! I was having a great time and then the movie went on to be something I wasn't expecting...something I would NEVER expect in a Halloween sequel. It became a mindfuck/slasher flick which had Zombie's name all over it. It was different and wasn't like any sequel before it and I was loving it because I actually had no idea where the movie was going.
The death scenes in particular had me. They were mean, fast, and BRUTAL! Myers was angry and it showed in this sequel! They weren't gory but they satisfied my taste for blood. Zombie deffinitely took me for a trip in this sequel. I was having a blast the entire time through. I even got elements of David Lynch in there. Am I the only one? Good stuff here!
Zombie's direction was bang on and he put out some slick shots and there was some potent suspense in this shingdig, something that was GRAVELY MISSING in his first foreay in Myers land. Tyler Bates soundtrack was amazing and pulled me in even deeper into the movie. It was different, unique, and creepy as fuck. I went out that day and bought it! Yes, it's true there is NO Halloween theme, but I totally forgot about that and I didn't need it. This isn't a Halloween movie, it is Rob's movie.
I give Zombie credit. He didn't just remake the original like most companies do. He had a vision of what he wanted and he WENT THROUGH with it! This movie is all him! He made it his own and I'm glad he did!
Character wise...BANG ON! In the second half of his first movie the main characters were crude and kind of annoying. They were just trash! In this one though, Laurie is a fully developed character and I fell in love with her. I felt for her and grew to really like her. She became my best friend and as she slipped into craziness my heart would drop each time she was worse. Annie grew up. She isn't that fiesty girl anymore. She's now like Laurie's mother and i love her. Sheriff Brackett stole the show right after Laurie. He added so much depth to his role and brought so much emotion out of me and pulled at my heartstrings. I thought the movie was at its best when it focused on these three characters and their relationship. I wanted more! Even Laurie's two new friends aren't as bad as her friends in the first. Yes one of them was a bit trashy/slutty, but she wasn't ALWAYS so crude and annoying.
With acting, everyone was bang on. Brad Dourif perfect along with Danielle Harris who is a personal favorite of mine. They really pulled me into the movie. But it's Scout Taylor-Compton who blew me away! I was completely impressed with this girl. She really added so much depth and made me care for her. She reached so many emotional levels and was phenomenal. I want to see this girl go places. I hope we have a new scream queen on our lists...oh and her scream is AMAZING and chilling. Tyler Mane as Michael Myers, although he may be too big, comes off as a real human. He was menacing and brutal and was scary.
And for all the people worrying about Michael's mom with the white horse and his child self parts...they're not that bad. They came off way worse in the trailers. In the movie they actually worked. The scenes didn't bother me whatsoever.
Any complaints? Yes i have a few. The movie isn't perfect. A little complaint I had is I missed young Michael from the first movie. The new one was just too...blah! He was cute, but the first one was intense and great in the role. There were also plot holes, many of them! How did Michael know where his sister always was?! He found her WAY to quickly! Did he have a tracker on her or something?! And why did he kill all those worthless people on the way? What was the point if all he wants is Laurie. For example the slut at the phantom jam, she was just minding her own business hoping for a good time and he kills her. What's the point? How did he even know who Laurie's friends were? A minor peeve of mine is I believe a LOT of mayhem could've ensued at the phantem jam. Laurie is there seeing Michael everyone and drunk as everyone is in costume and real Michael Myers is there?! Can you imagine the insane fun they could've had. I think Zombie missed out on something here.
Overall I'm in the minority on this movie. I LOVED IT!!! Was it a masterpiece? No, that would be the original Halloween. Was it Zombie's best movie? Again no, that would be House of 1000 Corpses (for me at least...I always have to be different!). But is this a solid film? YES!!! I think this movie isn't getting the recognition it deserves. I'll definitely be getting the DVD when it comes out. I can't wait to see the Director's Cut to see what was cut out!

GRADE: 7/10