DIRECTOR: Chris Weitz
CAST:
Kristen Stewart/Bella Swan
Robert Pattinson/Edward Cullen
Taylor Lautner/ Jacob Black
Ashley Greene/Alice Cullen
other people i could care less about
Plot: Bella has been dumped by Edward, so she mopes, mopes, and mopes some more and then rebounds with a guy with abs of steel and then has to save Edward at the end...or something like that.
Review:
I'm gonna start off and say I am NOT a Twilight basher. I have read the book series and hated it and I even saw the first movie expecting shit and was pleasantly surprised. I found the first movie to be an enjoyable and "cute" movie. (6/10). Don't take away my man points for liking it. I have a romantic bone inside me. I found Bella to be a likable character and her relationship with Edward was sweet and seemed ALMOST true to me. So I am one of the FEW horror fans who liked, NOT loved, but liked Twilight. It was an okay film. But I still went into this sequel with reservations because i thought the second book was utter shit...and the movie was pretty much a copy of the book...so yeah...you know where i'm about to go.
I could have enjoyed this movie. It had SO much going on for it. They included werewolves, a peeved off vampire that wants revenge (Victoria) and the Volturi. The Volturi are like the government for vampires that rule over them all. These all sound awesome right?! Well this isn't what you get. Instead we have an hour and a half of a girl moping and being depressed over losing her "love." That's it?! Are you fuckin' kidding me?! Sorry, but who wants to pay to see a girl be depressed?
Lets start with my biggest problem first: the main character, Bella Swan. She might just about be one of the WORST written and annoying main characters to ever grace our time. In the first movie she seemed like she had SOME sort of personality or independence. I stress the word SOME I liked her and I could see why Edward would fall in love with her...well sorta. Yes she was angsty, but it was true angst. But in this sequel I wanted to backhand her so badly and I'm FIRMLY against hitting women by the way. I have heard people call her a heroine, but in what case is she? They're all fuckin' stupid! She might just about be one of the worst role models as well out there! She is a woman who is so dependent and MUST have a man in her life. After reading the four books and seeing the two movies, i have come to realize i have learned pretty much NOTHING about her. People call her her selfless...but she is UTTERLY selfish. She drops EVERYTHING for Edward. She doesn't think about her future or college or her family or friends. She only cares about herself and Edward. That is NOT a selfless person. In this movie she is supposed to be a senior in high school, so why isn't she even thinking about college or a future, OTHER than Edward. Sorry girl, but someone should tell you men aren't EVERYTHING. I can rant about her character all day, especially since for class i'm doing an essay on strong women, so it annoys me when people claim women are portrayed badly in horror films even though they usually survive and outsmart the killer, when selfish and lacking-personality twits like Bella are considered role models. What is our world coming too? Tell her to get a fuckin' hobby!
The dialogue is so bad in this sequel. It's WAY too cliched and sounds like an old romance movie from the 20s. It didn't seem fluid or real whatsoever. Granted, the dialogue in the first movie was cliched and crappy, but this sequel takes it to a whole new level. The comparisons to Romeo and Juliet seemed forced and I'm sorry but Edward and Bella are NO Romeo and Juliet. If you want to see some good vampire couples we have Caleb and Mae from Near Dark or Oskar and Eli from Let the Right One In or even Bill and Sookie from True Blood (my favorite show).
In the first movie I thought the relationship was sweet and i really bought into it, but in this one it just did nothing for me...I'm sure it helps that Edward was hardly in this film.
The directing...was okay. It looked good but it just did nothing for me. I was longing for Catherine Hardwicke's directions. Her indie directing gave the first film and edge to it that made it seem much more than just a sappy romance flick. I loved her blue hues and she pulled out so much in the film.
The soundtrack is the BEST part of the film. The one thing that these films have going for it are a good soundtrack. I openly admit I own the scores and the soundtracks to each film. The score is beautiful and poetic, and the music chosen for the film was great. Plus Muse is my favorite band. So on this front, we have a winner.
But how were the performances? On this front...we did okay. Kristen Stewart gets a lot of flack but i believe she IS a good actress...but the role of Bella is badly written with the worst dialogue. I like Kristen Stewart, but even SHE couldn't save the character in this film. She was decent, no more no less. Most of the cast did good with what they were given. Pattinson was okay? He didn't have much of a role though. Taylor Lautner was also decent! Number one...HOT DAMN!!! What a body!!! I was drooling over his body throughout the entire movie, but his face ain't much in my opinion. He looks like a 12 year old boy. His character was sort of likable and was one of the BEST parts of the movie and he's the reason why i give the movie a higher rating then what I should. Lautner wasn't bad in the part either, nothing great. But I was expecting shitty acting. But again, why does he want Bella? He can do so much better! Another stand out to me was Ashley Greene as Alice. Her character was always my favorite and she really livens up the movie when she is on. She is the only character that seems to be smart in the film and her charm is so infectuous i couldn't help but smile when she was onscreen. I want to see more about her character! I wish SHE was the main character. But i must say the inclusion of Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning...CLASS! They knocked their tiny roles OUT of the park. No surprise. It's a shame their characters were barely in the movie since their scene was probably the most interesting part. But the wolf pack, other than Jacob, sucked. They just took off their shirts and that is it. I'm a gay man, and I love shirtless men as much as the next gay man, but this film took it too far. I was getting annoyed by the werewolf clan! Put some fuckin' clothes on!
What else was good about the movie? The last half hour was actually sort of entertaining. But the transition was SLOPPY at best. How was a decision made so fast and how did they get to Rome in NO time! It's ridiculous.
The wolves were too cute looking though, plus I HATE CGI! Just use real goddamn wolves (like True Blood does).
But what was with all the subplots they brought up? Like with Victoria, her character was wasted! THey could have done something cool with her, but instead they threw her character away. Why did they even bother including her in the movie. And with the wolf pack they could have done more with them. But my biggest gripe in the subplot area was with the Volturi. They could have made for an interesting movie, so why did they save them for the last half hour.
In the end...i didn't hate New Moon, I DESPISED New Moon. The main character was badly written and i wanted to kill her and the movie was pretty much a cute chick moping and having no personality. But i found a couple things to like. The performances were mostly decent and the guys were hot and frequently shirtless and Alice's character was so ADORABLE! I would love to see a spin off ALL about her.
But these few things could NOT help a movie THIS bad...bring on Eclipse...*BARF*
OVERALL GRADE: 2/10
